Okay, so in my last blog post I said I would try and write more often, this has obviously not happened.
Some of the reasons for this is, as I said the last time out, I’m damn good at procrastinating.
But also, something has happened and its leaving me rather confused. Unfortunately, I am unwilling to discuss it here. Its not a bad thing, it is in fact a very good thing, its just unexpected and not exactly what I wanted. As I’m writing this I am realising how much of a good thing it could be, and how much of a douche I am for allowing it to happen, but being unable to commit fully.
Instead of discussing that any more, I want to talk about something else that was good.
I’ve still not been very happy. My shoulder is still hurting, the clavicle is still weak. This combined with my general grumpy outlook and dislike of others means I’m still struggling with many things in life. Mostly, being social.
Well the other week I went away for the weekend marshalling. The weather was pretty wet most of the weekend.
I have spoken in the past about the group, they are a very close group, of which I am on the outside off. Well this weekend I felt more, on the edge of the group. I felt more like I was part of the group.
I had a hospital appointment on the Friday morning (going to have a ct scan on my shoulder. Yay!)
This allowed me to pick up the one member of the group who doesn’t drive.
She lives between where I was and where we were going.
The whole weekend was spent with someone from the group. Either on post with some, or relaxing with a beer or two with some. And being a bank holiday meant staying around Sunday night. Monday morning was very nice, relaxing in the morning sun. Slowly packing everything up, rather than the normal Sunday evening rush to pack and get home.
After we left, me and The Girl headed into town to do a little bit of shopping. It was nice showing her around somewhere she’s never been, somewhere I used to live.
We went for lunch (Nando’s, yum) and just generally had a nice chilled out day before going our separate ways home.
I don’t know what came first, me relaxing more around them, or them including me more, making me feel more relaxed. It doesn’t matter.
I’ve always enjoyed spending time with these people but this was one of the best weekends for me as regards to my mood.
Fingers crossed it means something.
Now, if only I could stop screwing everything up…