Ah so she has figured it out.
A long, somewhat rambling message where she dances around the issue, but essentially says she is not interested but everything stays the same. Saying that I am a part of the group and that’s not going to change.
How am I feeling about that? I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t hurt. It does. But it could’ve been a lot lot worse.
The way she skirted around the subject, bringing it back to her, makes me think she really doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. That she is just in a different place in her life. I fully understand where she is coming from. Life is going well for her at the moment and I’m not going to begrudge that.
She is such a fantastic person that I really hope that everything stays good between us.
So the last post I made didn’t post online for some reason.
Was mostly me bitching about not being able to sleep. Being awake at 4 with my brain running at 1000mph with no sign of slowing down or changing to a more, interesting, more nice topic.
But this entry is about a girl.
A girl who doesn’t know I like her.
I just danced with this girl.
I just watched this girl dance.
This girl is pretty.
This girl is fun, kooky, goofy, and has such a great, guilty looking smile.
She has helped me through some tough times.
Given me great advice.
But this girl is tied in with a fantastic group of people. A fantastic group of friends.
Do I risk the friendship with the girl, with the group? Or do I not show my interests and leave everything as awesome as it already is?
Yeah, I know this isn’t really about my depression, about the whole bipolar thing or not, but it is about my inability to make a choice. My inability to do anything without over thinking it.
Written at about 4 sambuca’s in. Oh and some tequila. Beer. Cider.